Fetish VS Vanilla
Most people believe that staying in a relationship because of “this and that” is easier, but when it comes to it, you are just hurting everyone involved.
Communication is best, but when that does not work, what can you do.
Vanilla players go to a therapist that is covered by obama care.
Kinksters go to a valued friend.
when going to a trusted friend, the person should be approved by all parties involved. Treat it just like a therapist, and then do the flip.
ie: I go to joe and talk to him daily/weekly to make sure that I have my head on straight, but when I feel I cannot communicate properly with my play partner, I have joe and my partner talk. Joe has an invested interest because he knows me as a person and my feelings, he can communicate to my partner (minus the emotions) what I may not be able to.
****this goes vice versa
Agreements per relationship:
An agreement that is made “I will strive to learn and assist you in your fetish during the duration of our relationship”.
Changes to Agreement:
If for some reason you are not able to keep up with the agreement, the communication must be there and you have to have the balls to say it. You had the balls to agree to it, so have them to get out of it.
****do not just assume if you pull back and assume that the other knows what you are thinking.
Breaking it off OR renegotiating terms
Breaking off a relationship is very difficult in the vanilla world. But coming into the fetish and feeling the pain of losing part of your heart as well as release/playtime with a partner can be even more overwhelming
Renegotiate instead of stopping cold turkey
Sample being in a social environment and use each other to find a new play partner
Keep communication open but with limitations on topics, let yourself and the other down slowly
sometimes it is a good idea to slam out a quick thread and see what others think. Be sure that you understand and brace yourself for ANYTHING to be said to your story.
NOT SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE
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